Author: riversongz

10 WAYS TO ACHIEVE A GOOD WORK/LIFE BALANCE

This piece is for people who work too hard, too much or for too long, whether it’s at home or in the workplace. These 10 tried and tested suggestions are relevant to both work and home situations. If you’re tired and overloaded with things to do, these tips can help you!

1. Find your own balance

There are no rules. Balance is an individual thing and everyone has to find their own equilibrium. It’s up to you to prioritise, make adjustments and decide what you are and are not prepared to do. Don’t tell yourself ‘I should be able to…’ or ‘She/he can do it, so I ought to be able to.’ And, most importantly, don’t listen to anyone else telling you what you should or should not be able to do!

Pay attention to your own needs and wellbeing. Stay in touch with how you are, physically and emotionally, and listen to your intuition. If you feel you’re out of balance day in, day out, then you are! It’s time to look at what’s going on and re-evaluate.

2. Beware of – adrenaline addiction

Adrenaline will keep you going, but it also keeps you in a state of readiness for danger, fight or flight. It’s exciting and it’s productive and it feels like energy, but it isn’t. You can only run on it for a short time without experiencing its downside. Too much adrenaline for too long makes you stressed and tetchy – and wanting another high. If you continue to be in that state for long periods, it will eventually run out, leaving you with no energy, anxious, depressed or even ill. If adrenaline is your addiction, you may need some of it to get going. That’s how it starts. Then it’s too easy to keep pushing yourself, never giving yourself time to come down. Sooner or later you’re running on empty, unable to relax, sleeping badly and on a short fuse. These are the warning signs.

Cooling down time is as important after an adrenaline high as it is when you exercise. So do something soothing or undemanding in between the highs. Schedule some methodical, routine tasks after a big burst of work, a successful presentation or a period of strain or activity at home. Give yourself time to come down and feel tired. Don’t worry if you feel depleted, low and twitchy for a while – it’s the adrenaline draining away. Given time, it will pass.

3. Beware of – martyrdom addiction

‘I’ve got so much to do’. ‘I’ve got to do everything round here’. Do these sentences ring a bell? Do you feel put upon and resentful while at the same time hogging all the work? If so, martyrdom could become an addiction for you, pushing you to take on more, draining you physically and emotionally and raising your stress levels.

And here’s the hard word – it’s ego inside out. The motivation for martyrdom, and the big payoff, is that it makes you feel important – a hero. And you think it makes you look busy and important. It doesn’t. It’s annoying and infuriating for people around you and it makes you look like… a martyr! Be alert to this if it’s your weakness and let other people take the weight off your shoulders. Only you can make this happen.

4. Ask for help

Asking for help is so often the best way out of stressful situations and dilemmas. Sometimes all it needs is for you to stop hugging the problem to yourself and get it out in the open – talk to someone. It’s not so hard to do, and on the whole, people like to be asked. That’s what managers and colleagues are for! Common reasons for not asking for help are:

• Pride in your work and/or not wanting to look as if you can’t manage on your own
• Not wanting to bother anyone, be a nuisance or make a fuss. This one I struggle with the most
• Perfectionism and lack of confidence: you’re afraid to show something that isn’t complete.

The answer is firstly to recognise when you need help, and secondly, to understand why you don’t ask for help. Don’t leave it too long – the sooner you ask, the better

5. Choose ‘good enough’ over ‘perfect

When something needs to be done, ask yourself the question: is it important that the job is simply done, or that it’s done perfectly? 9 times out of 10, the answer is that it needs to be done rather than done perfectly. A twist on this – which is about delegation – is to question whether the job has to be done and finished or done your way, by you.

For example, Martha has always done the family laundry, and she’s developed a system that works. However, now she’s working full-time, she just can’t handle that task in addition to everything else. She ignored her husband’s offers of help because she didn’t trust him to do it properly. Finally, after it had become a huge issue, she let it go. Her husband Ben shares it with her now. He doesn’t do it her way, and she can still get irritated by the way he flings mangled baby t-shirts with their sleeves still inside out on the radiators, but she can turn a blind eye. Better that it’s done each day than to have a mountain of laundry that takes all weekend.

6. Say NO

This is not about saying no all the time or saying no to work within your job description! This is about the extra responsibilities you’re asked to take on both at home and work. If you are someone who tends to say ‘yes’ and thereby takes on too much and gets overloaded, here are a couple of techniques.

First up: if someone asks you to do something extra, STALL. Say you’ll get back to him or her in five minutes or when you’re near your diary, then use that time to think clearly about whether to say yes or no.

Second: If your answer is going to be NO, the Transactional Analysis technique of ‘broken record’ is really useful.
• Keep your eye on the goal – that of saying ‘no’
• Actually say the word NO and keep saying it at every opportunity, every time another appeal is made to your good nature, your impeccable skills, etc. This is important. Don’t justify your actions or give excuses. There’s no need to be nasty or rude. Simply saying ‘No, I’m sorry. I don’t have time’, or variations on that idea, is enough. Even if you’re afraid it’ll lose you a friend or business and if you feel that way then its sign you should let it go.

7. Project in – project out

If you want to say yes to taking on an extra responsibility or project and have no time for it (see the last suggestion), review your commitments and get rid of another project or task. If you’re already overloaded, then in no time at all, even the most wonderful-looking project will become another chore.

8. Keep a weekend free

Keep one weekend every 4-6 weeks free from any commitments, plans, work, activities etc. Spend it with your partner, your family or just resting at home by yourself. This doesn’t necessarily mean that you do nothing, but rather that you don’t structure the time in advance and fill it with plans and ‘to do’ lists. I did that recently and found it so rejuvenating.

9. Do something for yourself one evening a week

This must be something you enjoy and look forward to. It doesn’t apply to things you think will be good for you or things that your children or partner would enjoy. This is for you. Whatever it is – having a meal with someone, reading a novel in the bath or lolling on the sofa with a glass of wine, watching TV – make it non-negotiable. Turn off your mobile, don’t check your emails, screen incoming calls and only ring back if it’s an emergency. Stick to it and don’t put it off. If you find youre never able to do anything for you then you may want to reconsider the amount of things you do. Look at your to do list are they all necessary for your journey.

10. Draw a line between home and work

If you’re rushed and overloaded, what can happen – and it’s very common – is that while you’re at work, you worry about things at home and when you’re at home, you’re preoccupied with work. Crazy, isn’t it?

Download the things on your mind before you leave work (or home). Write a note in your diary, on your PC, on your Blackberry or on a piece of paper and list the things you need to do when you come back. Keep your mind focused on the fact that this is the end of that activity, workday or tasks at home. Shut the diary, turn off your PC, save your message and LEAVE IT!

Please share your techniques or strategies for achieving a work life balance that work for you.

Use the comments below

I believe one of the keys to a successful life is Gratitude. So, we have decided to make this week- GRATITUDE WEEK.

Throughout the week we will be celebrating the people who we are grateful for. Each day we will be posting up the names of people that mean a lot to us. I want you to join us by posting about the people that mean a lot to you.

In the mean time to help you get your Gratitude game right. Here are 5 facts that will help you. There is scientific proof that being grateful is plain good for you. Here are five ways to integrate scientifically endorsed gratitude into your life.

1. Write Down What You’re Grateful For 

Scientists performed an experiment in which they asked one group of people to write down the things that they were grateful for on a weekly basis, while the other group recorded hassles or neutral life events. The people who kept gratitude journals exercised more regularly, reported fewer physical symptoms, felt better about their lives as a whole, and were generally more optimistic about the upcoming week—compared to their negatively focused counterparts.

WHAT I CAN DO TODAY:

At the end of each day, write down one great thing that happened. Use a notebook or keep a log on your phone.

2. Even a Single Act of Kindness Can Go a Long Way

Scientists studying positive psychology found that a one-time act of thoughtful gratitude produced an immediate 10% increase in happiness and 35% reduction in depressive symptoms. The happy effects disappeared within three to six months which shows that gratitude is an act to be repeated again and again.

WHAT I CAN DO TODAY:

Every act of gratitude counts, and it can be as small as saying thank you or telling someone important how much they mean to you.

3. It’s Never Too Early to Start Practicing Gratitude

Psychologist and researcher Jeffrey Froh created and implemented a gratitude curriculum for kids aged 8 to 11. The youngsters who received the lessons showed an increase in grateful thinking, appreciation and positive emotions as compared to their classmates who did not partake. The lessons had long-lasting effects, with differences between the two groups at their greatest five months after the program.

WHAT I CAN DO TODAY:

Lead by example and introduce the concept of gratitude to young people around you. At your next meal where kids are present, go around the table and say something that each person is thankful.

4. Gratitude Can Boost a Relationship 

While being grateful is good for you, being on the receiving end of it can do wonders for your romantic relationships! A recent study found that after receiving gratitude, participants noticed that their partner was more responsive to their needs and overall more satisfied with their relationship. Gratitude was shown to have had a long-term effect that was seen six to nine months later.

WHAT I CAN DO TODAY:

While mornings can be a hectic time before heading out of the house, make it a point to tell your partner how much you care about them.

5. Saying Thank You is Good for Business

When was the last time you said thank you to a colleague? According to research by psychologists Adam Grant and Francesca Gino, a thank you can go a long way. Especially if you are in a supervisory position, expressing your thanks for a job well done can make your employees feel a strong sense of self-worth and confidence. The study also revealed that being grateful has a ripple effect, leading to an increase in trust between colleagues and more initiative to help one another out.

WHAT I CAN DO TODAY:

Acknowledge a colleague for their contributions with a genuine heartfelt thank you.

Let me know what you think about being grateful and our 5 Gratitude Facts.

I believe one of the keys to a successful life is Gratitude, so we have decided to make this week, GRATITUDE WEEK.

Throughout the week we will be celebrating the people who we are grateful for. Each day we will be posting up the names of people that mean a lot to us. I want you to join us by posting about the people that mean a lot to you. I want to start off with a woman who is a one of the giants of the UK gospel community, MARCIA DIXON.

Marcia has been at the forefront  of British Gospel for longer than I care to mention. Marcia we salute you!

Who is on your Gratitude List? Post a picture, share a name.

#FANTASTICALLY NIGERIAN: How we took a stand and created a mini movement in the process.

I want to share the story of what happened to me last week and how things happen in the world when you decided to take a stand and speak out.

Its old news now that Prime Minister David Cameron shared his private views with Her Majesty The Queen and a few other people.

The uproar was huge, I like many felt outraged even though what he said may have some truth to it. However, we all know that just because a family over decades have unfortunate things happen to them, perpetrated by a few, doesn’t make the family that thing. Just because there are priest who have abused trust and taken advantage of the weak, doesn’t make the denomination the transgression of the priest.

It’s interesting though how quiet we become when the people, we are keen to please overstep the mark. Does the silence of people we’d expect to speak mean:

1)      We were resigned to been thrashed and don’t see the value of a debate or dialogue with those who hold an opposing view

2)      We are keen to be maintain the societal privilege that we receive from those whose words do such violence to our image and story

Whatever the case I Oluwalomueleyiwa Adebayo Olarewaju decided my job wasn’t to attack, abuse or disrespect anyone that I disagree with, but to celebrate my “Nigeriannes”. For years in school I endured the abuse of a few who called me a F_ _ K_ _ G African so many times, left bananas on my desk (which I would eat).

The violence was so painful, I was eager to be someone else I would have happily accepted the Psychological Wage that becoming “the other” and pretending I wasn’t African would have offered. However I woke up!, so I tell everyone my full name, I wear my Ankara scarfs proudly!, I sing, I make a record called “eko Ile” (Lagos My Home) and I start #FANTASTICALLYNIGERIAN

In 4 hours it was the trending topic on twitter in Nigeria, days later thousands of tweets, Facebook groups set up etc. I’m glad technology allows us to tell our story. So here’s my song GO TELL IT ON THE MOUNTAINS OVER THE SEAS AND EVERYWHERE…..”